Freedom From Choice.

Everyone of us entertain a sense of self that sits back, apart from life, as if life was some-thing that the self cautiously plays with...



This self is expected to be unaffected by the ceaseless flow of energy that is life. We experience ourselves as an idea that is independent of new information, never subject to revision. A finished product in an unfinished story, so to speak...

We are insane!

This sense of separation between us and life is the genesis of our discontentment. When we experience ourselves as some-one that is separate from life we feel lifeless. We feel divorced from meaning or content, and are therefore dis-contented.

So a fragmented awareness or disconnection sits at the core of our dissatisfaction...

This disconnection gives birth to discontentment, which is experienced as a pervasive or intrinsic problem. The perceived gulf between us and life gives rise to the belief that we are broken or missing something. This transforms life into an obsessive search for a magical solution. We are all the time looking for the right amount of this or that to fill the void in our gut.

We have all of these "Aha!" moments... At such times, we think we have found the answer. Then disappointment strikes... Again. Despite our wonderful new idea, our brilliant new philosophy we find ourselves stuck in the same old problem. We are right back where we started. We feel hurt. Scared. Angry. Furthermore, there is an added sense of frustration because we are back at square one...

This is the nature of cyclic existence... Tumble mode. We do not know how we got here, where we are, or how to get out. We are baffled.

It is this confusion and paranoia that sustains the watcher... The Spinoza self or the spectator- observing life from a safe distance, and never afraid to comment or pass judgement.

Eventually our search for a solution takes us to the path of spirituality. We start practicing yoga, meditation, or praying daily. At first there is a profound distrust of ourselves. We question everything... We read tons of books, and ask our teacher or therapist all sorts of seriously complex questions. We are afraid to pull the trigger. We hesitate to do anything or to make any commitments because we are afraid of being hurt. So, we develop a dependency upon books and their authority, or the teacher and their authority. We listen to Dr. Phil or Deepak Chopra. We let them make our decisions for us. We think that because we have committed their philosophy to memory that it is now our philosophy. Once again, we have it all figured out...

Having convinced ourselves that these are our ideas, based on our experiences, we believe that we have found the answer. At this point we feel confident, but our confidence maybe better described as false-pride. On some level we know this. We suspect that our philosophy is vulnerable, fragile. We do everything we can to protect it. We avoid risks. We do everything in our power to ignore this sneaking suspicion that we are a fraud, but it is unavoidable. We cannot avoid all the risks, life is too tempting. To live is our basic impulse. So, at some point we are seduced, and once again we find ourselves in this situation where life is challenging our most basic assumptions...

This is the same cycle. Only now we are looking at it from a grown-ups perspective. We do not trust ourselves, so we trust in something else. That is, until it fails us...

We start out blissfully ignorant. Then our world of apathy is shattered. We feel broken or untrustworthy. So, we seek authority else where. We adopt the position of those in authority, and then proceed with a false sense of confidence. Eventually, life challenges this position. It forces us to put into practice our supposed philosophy. It is at this point that we learn it is not our philosophy.

Getting to a place where we trust ourselves is a scary place. It means developing our own philosophy, or a certain point of view born out of our own experience. This is scary because it forces us to put aside everything we think about ourselves and the world we live in. When thought is not supported by direct experience it is little more than words, and words are impotent.

Getting to a place where we are truly comfortable or confident is dependent upon an experience of clarity. To this end, thought in-and-of itself is insufficient. Thought supported by thought is questionable. It has no authority. When one thought validates or rejects another thought there is no credibility- it is like an author citing himself! This leaves us with an unshakable suspicion. A type of paranoia or fear that we are a fraud. We feel like we know the words but are ignorant of their meaning, and that at any moment we might be found out. The truth is, we are mimicking, or acting out a line of reasoning that is not our own...

True clarity, true confidence is born out of direct experience. Being willing to allow reality to touch our naked bodies. In order for this to happen we have to strip down. We have to shed the layers that shield us from direct contact with the environment. We have to put aside all of the stale and expired ideas that keep life at arms length. We have to open up, and listen. This is meditation.

In the beginning mountains were mountains. We did not question anything. We took everything at face value. That is until life challenged these appearances... Then we became afraid. We felt betrayed by our own thinking, and as a result stop trusting ourselves.

So we became skeptics. Mountains are not mountains. Everything became complicated. We adopted strategies because, we couldn't trust ourselves. However, this is unbearable... We cannot share a bed with someone we do not trust.

Now it is time to listen. Put aside questions and answers. Just watch. What is happening, whats actually going on. Listen. Allow reality to speak for itself... That is luminosity or things as they are- being itself. Unmistakable clarity. Luminosity. When we listen, we allow thought to be a spontaneous expression of luminosity. We no longer need a watcher, someone to choose, because their is no longer a choice to be made- mountains are just mountains. There are just things as they are. This is clarity. This is true freedom- freedom from choice!