“Relationship based on mutual need brings only conflict…”
When selfishness sets the mood, we are not in the relationship for the sake of the relationship; rather we are using the relationship as a solution to our problems.
We have an awful lot invested in ourpartner slave. Instead of being an autonomous human being, our partner is seen as a precious commodity- something we can’t afford to lose because, without them we are lost. It is romantic materialism… In other words, the ego has hijacked the relationship.
Selfishness is the expression of ignorance. So, selfishness blinds us to love. It transforms the object of our love into a reference point, which the ego uses to define itself.
“Relationship based on mutual need brings only conflict. However interdependent we are on each other, we are using each other for a purpose, for an end. With an end in view, relationship is not. You may use me and I may use you. In this usage, we lose contact. A society based on mutual usage is the foundation of violence…
We know we depend— on our relationship with people or on some idea or on a system of thought.Why?
Actually, I do not think dependence is the problem; I think there is some other deeper factor that makes us depend. And if we can unravel that, then both dependence and the struggle for freedom will have very little significance; then all the problems which arise through dependence will wither away. So what is the deeper issue? Is it the mind that abhors fears, the idea of being alone? And does the mind know that state it avoids? So long as that loneliness is not really understood, felt, penetrated, dissolved— whatever word you may like to use— so long as that sense of loneliness remains, dependence is inevitable, and one can never be free; one can never find out for oneself that which is true, that which is religion.” ~from The Book of Life by Jiddu Krishnamurti