Photo courtesy of Mark J Sebastian. |
The search for certainty is a game...
A dreadful and violent game with no end. It is the incessant pursuit of something that does not exist. Often times, the recognition and acceptance of its absence is called love.
From a certain point of view, love is a frightening thing.
A dreadful and violent game with no end. It is the incessant pursuit of something that does not exist. Often times, the recognition and acceptance of its absence is called love.
From a certain point of view, love is a frightening thing.
It shakes
the ground I stand on. Love is an atmosphere so spacious that it makes
no allowances for certainty. Any and all possibilities come to pass
in love! It is frightening from the ego's point of view because, without the
appearance of certainty the ego's identity is drawn in for
questioning. A self-centered consciousness is obsessed with the acquisition of
certainty because, it is dependent upon it.
Certainty is the ego's Holy Grail.
Since the Holy Grail is
a product of the imagination, it is never actually acquired. Now, it maybe
that I fool myself—that is get tied up in various forms of self-deception, but
no real certainty is ever attained. I may consume some line of reasoning or
adopt a new philosophy that appears to encapsulate or explain away my
predicament. Or I may choose to ignore the situation all together saying,
"Oh, it's fine. Really, it's not a problem!" But all this is
self-deception—knowledge is a gross misunderstanding of the question, and
pretending there hasn't been a question asked is plain stupidity! Regardless of
my approach, the need for certainty is persistent, even in the face of
persistent failure. It never really goes away.
From
a self-centered point of view, the absence of certainty is the presence of
fear.
So, fear
maybe defined as the ignore-ance of love. The ego hates love! Therefore, the ego
ignores it's spacious center. Under the veil of ignorance nothing is seen as it
is. We ignore space by obsessing over an image—if self-centeredness means
anything, it means that. Everything is judged on the basis of how it affects
this image—either, positive or negative. Positive enables the continuation of ignore-ance. While, negative
forces the ego to confront the fact that it is a hollow shell. The ego wants to
remove all such threats. It wants to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the
situation is safe. It wants to child proof the world by running background
checks on everyone it comes into contact with. The ego is paranoid, and for
good reason. The self-centered mind is in search of certainty—finished
products. The ego is afraid because, it is dependent upon something that it has
never managed to find!
The
conceptual mind resents life because, the conceptual mind sees life as a giant
contradiction.
When we attempt to capture life in words or static images, as the
ego-centric mind does, life appears to be a great big paradox. When the
spacious center is ignored, thought seems to be a finished product. We have put
the cart before the horse. Thought is preceding basic experience, which is insane. We are trying to tell
life how it should be! We have forgotten that it is the duty of thought to
express or reflect reality; not the responsibility of life to reflect our
thinking. To the contrived and rigid mind, life seems no less ridiculous than
sitting in the carriage trying to pull the horse along! This is why, as G.K.
Chesterton said, "Contradiction is just truth standing on its head to
get your attention."
In life all
things die. However, life goes on. Life never
began and will never end. Time passes. As a result, our concepts and ideas
become expired. All things in life are
dying because allthings in life are born. Things are born. They are
contrived, mental fabrications. The energy that thought attempts to freeze or
conceptualize is unborn. It is free of coming or going. Life is
uncreated—free of birth and death, but our concepts are created—bound by birth
and death. They are contrived frames that attempt to transform life into static
images. Finished products. Certainty. These static images are expectations set
in motion by fear.
We create expectations as a way of avoiding our fears.
We create expectations as a way of avoiding our fears.
In this
case, we are trying to avoid our greatest fear. The fear of death. We try to
conceptualize and own these slices of space and time because, we
are dependent upon them for
validation and confirmation of our own existence. We need them to tell us we
are alive. We call these slices of space and
time boyfriend or girlfriend, friend or enemy, etc. They
are reference points—objects-in-space we
use to determine our own location. We use them to establish our identity. If Ican
call you boyfriend, then I have
acquired a sense of meaning or purpose. A role to play. I get to play the role
of girlfriend. When I identify you as an enemy does it not enable me to take
the high road? To identify myself with what is right? It is this sort of inbred
co-dependent relationship with thought that enables the ego to ignore the fact
that it is nothing more than a collection of expired concepts swirling around
an empty center. The ego is an illusion. That doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It
exist as an illusion! We are objects-in-space.
Is
our self-image not dependent upon such reference points?
If not,
then why do we resist change? Why do we suffer? What happens when the writer
has nothing else to write? Does
he not cease to be a writer? If I remove the bath from the room, is it still a
bathroom? When the relationship ends do I not cease to be 'girlfriend?' And
when the relationship begins doesn't the bachelor role expire? Doesn't it
follow that if there is a beginning there will be an end? The ego is
suspicious, and for good reason! This system of identification is
fragile to say the least.
All
things come to pass.
Is this a
problem? Well, from a certain point of view, it is the problem! A self-centered
state of mind is dependent upon relationship or entertainment. That is why
meditation considers boredom or loneliness a healthy situation. It is an
invitation to discover a center-less or spacious state of mind. However, the
ego needs the "other" to validate and confirm the image it is
projecting upon the backdrop of impermanence. This is so because, life/death challenges this image in
every moment. The dualistic mind needs these reference points
to scream louder than life, "I see you. You are there!" This need is the need for certainty. The
ego wants to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it's reference points will be
there to confirm it's existence. So, change—the nature of "things"—is
the main dilemma as far as the ego is concerned.
Unfortunately,
the only certainty that is found is the fact of life, which is death.
There will
come a time when the other loses their voice. They have screamed and screamed
until they cannot utter another word. The reference point is gone. Where are
you?
When you
realize that you have misplaced yourself, what will you do? Will you look for
another voice? Will you continue to play the violent game of Marco Polo—seeking to determine who and what you are, your
position in this world, by clinging to the fading voice of yet another
thing? Or will you be vulnerable? Are you willing to be lonely? Will
you stand there butt-naked—just another object-in-space?
When
the feeling of loneliness sets in, will you let go of words to discover that
deeper dimension of life which carries on even after death?
In the
Garden, God asked, "Adam, where are you?" This is the eternal
question. Can you watch yourself die? Can you sit there patiently and observe
your own death?
If
you can, you will find that Love is the space which accommodates birth
and death. You will realize that Love is your original face!