"LET GO: Give people the complete freedom to make their choices. And know that all the love you want is within your own heart."
*first published on threedeelife.com
Sometimes life is so obvious in the lessons it wants me to
learn, I get excited, like I am cracking a code. Today was one of those
days. I had a situation that was troubling me. I wanted things to
be different than they were with a person. This situation comes into our
lives in many ways. Perhaps someone we really want to be friends with is
sort of cold. Maybe someone we like doesn’t return the love. Maybe a
friend is negative and judgmental.
Whatever the situation, there is the same basic storyline.
We get hooked into this person because we feel something with them…some
sort of aliveness, love, comfort, companionship, fun. Whatever the case
may be. That is fine. We should open ourselves to people and enjoy
all of the wonderful gifts they bring to our lives. The problem comes
when the other person, out of their own free will, pulls away in some manner.
Or they somehow fail to meet our (hidden) expectations (whenever you
catch yourself thinking that someone “should” do something, that’s what I am talking
about). Instead of giving them the dignity and freedom to make their own
choices, we try and force them to come back and give us what we want.
Why? Because we have become dependent on them as the source of our
good feelings.
This has a couple problems. First and worst, we
immediately lose sight of who we truly are. Those good feelings did not come
from the other person, they arose within ourselves. We are the
source of everything we are searching for! When I connect back with that
truth, I feel myself regain my power, and my own direct connection with life.
All of the possibilities and joy and vibrancy of life are within me–no
one else is holding the key to my own spirit.
The second problem is that we lose sight of the other
person. You start to say: “You ‘should’ be giving me this,” because I
need it. Not cool. Then you end up feeling weaker than you actually
are (see problem #1 above). You have to grant the other person the
absolute freedom to be who they are, and make their own choices. What a
beautiful, respectful move. That is the exact same freedom and
unconditional love you want yourself! So give it to someone else.
Love people for who they are, not what they give you. Or, as the
case maybe, bow to their soul and recognize you will never be friends.
Same deal, either way.
I have been on the other side of this equation.
I can say that when someone is trying to looking to you for something
they should be finding within themselves, it does not feel good. It
places way too much pressure on you. It prevents you from giving this
person the love you actually want to give them.
So the words of the day are LET GO. Give people the
complete freedom to make their choices. And know that all the love you
want is within your own heart.
In love,
Nicole
www.threedeelife.com
